It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
