My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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