If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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