I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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