You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can't motorboat a personality
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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