Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
