I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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