does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
