I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
