man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
