Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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