The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
