what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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