All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
