you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
