yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
