Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
