I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
