Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
