It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
