I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
