Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
