your thong is hanging out like whoa
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
