I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
