Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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