I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
