Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
