she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
