It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
