i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
