it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
