dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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