I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
