arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
