Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
