We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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