Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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