the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
