u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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