dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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