Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
