There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You dont lie about slip and slides
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
