if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
