Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
