Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
