So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
