Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
