I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
