i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
