At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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